Atlanta & anti-Asian racism

BERLIN,

Monday, April 5th, 2021

I cried and wept when I read the NYT article front and center on my laptop after my friend texted into our group chat Wednesday morning, March 17th: "Friends, I am sending much love for today," and then "There was a shooting at massage salons, most of the victims are Asian women." I cried and wept again when we held an online gathering with Asian German, Asian diasporic folx the same evening. I cried and wept again when I told my therapist: It could have been my mum, it could have been any of our aunts, it could have been me.

When I read the artistChi Nguyen's words on mediumon how the massacre reminded her of all the incidences she has experienced in the past, it led me to starting my own list of what I experienced as an Asian girl and woman: I’m reminded of the time when I biked home late at night at age 14 and a drunk man stumbled outside a bar and chased me. I am reminded of the dates who called me exotic, who desired me because I was Asian, as if they had something to tick off on their list. I am reminded by all the cis-men I came across who had an Asian fetish. I am reminded of the time when my boyfriend told me that he liked my skin, that it was different. I am reminded of all the narratives and lies people put upon me.

And then my therapist made a stop. It is okay to let it all out, be angry and sad and mourn. To feel so deeply and to feel helpless as well. It is okay to give yourself space. It is okay.

She told me, as I was flooded with news articles and social media postings and my heart was racing and I was organising and I felt eager to do something, she told me, there and then over the screen: "It is okay. You do not need to re-traumatise yourself. You have a choice, too."

It was a gentle reminder to also not lose myself in this. That I can make a decision, too.

We organised a vigil and a rally for the following week, we held space for various intersecting communities and we gathered and connected. It was and is still important that we did this, since – in the German context – it was the first rally for us and by us. I am very proud and grateful for all the people who co-organised and made the last weeks durable, who were there for me and my needs, who held space for our community and reached out.

I chose the photograph of my mother together with my brother and I above because in moments like these, I just want to hold my loved ones near and tell them:

you belong, you are safe,
you belong, you are safe,
you belong, you are safe.

If you'd like to support any of the local Asian diasporic initiatives here, please head over to the money pools by DAMN*–Deutsche Asiat*innen make noise, BAFNET–Berlin Asian Film Network or ichbinkeinvirus.org.

Vigil at the peace statue (comfort women) March, 23rd 2021 in Berlin, Moabit.
Thank you to the co-organisers: Vicky KW and Vicky T, Rae, Thu, Ren, Nhu, Ki, Thao, MengMeng, Jess, Thuy-Tien, Caro, Ngoc, Duc, and Hao. Thank you to our supporting initiatives:
@damn_berlin @korientation @ichbinkeinvirus @koreaverband
@diasporasia.podcast @berlinasianfilm @yeoja_mag

As I continue focusing on long-term strategies, and caught up on sleep and work post-rally, I tried to put some thoughts together in this analysis on Atlanta, why it matters here in Germany and how we started the platform ichbinkeinvirus.org on Heimatkunde (in German language). On a more healing note, last year in May, I spoke with the film maker Carol Nguyen from "No Crying At The Dinner Table" and the writer Julie Mai and they shared their daily routines during this pandemic, how they grew up as Asian Canadians in Toronto / Montreal and what kind of visions and dreams they have for the future. It was published recently on diaCritics. Also, some lovely running friends from NYC recorded a podcast with me and we spoke about my upbringings, how I started running, the challenges we faced starting WAYV and the lack of Asian role models. Have a listen here in Let's Get Uncomfortable.

Currently,
I am watching: Grace Lee Boggs and Angela Davis speaking about re-imagining everything.

I finished reading: Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong, whose words were healing to me, they were re-assuring, they felt like coming home. Maxine Hong Kingston's
The Woman Warrior, which inspired me to continue writing down the stories of my parents. Journalist Mohamed Amjahid's Der Weiße Fleck, a very easy-to-understand guide to anti-racist thinking in German language.

I am eating: Bärlauch [German for wild garlic] butter,
pesto and sô cô la [Vietnamese for chocolate] and lots of it!

...and I am running: a half marathon this weekend with my running group
WAYV RUN KOLLEKTIV here in Berlin. After another fall and winter season of zoom workouts, we collectively decided that it might be nice to focus on mental and emotional well-being. Thus, this spring/summer 2021 season, we called it a season of healing, which we filled with workshops on meditation, drawing, nutrition, sleep and dreams. Send us some positive energy, as some of my women teammates are embarking on their very first half marathon distance. I am feeling really joyous and excited for them. Through them I get to re-live and re-experience what it means to fall in love with running again.

[Edit: Newsletter #44 had a minor typo :) it is Michaela Coel not Cole!]

I hope you take your time to process and then, transform the energy towards getting into good trouble. In resistance and solidarity, xx
Huyền