Space for new energy
BERLIN,
Monday, July 5th, 2021
Hi, hello, hey there! Yes, this is me with short hair. If you have not seen the pictures on social, here you go: down below are pictures of me at my recent hair appointment last Thursday. I do not remember the last time I went to a hair dresser since friends have been trimming my hair or I have been doing it myself for years, so this one felt extra special. For so long, I kept my hair growing and even after a solid trim to shoulder length right in the beginning of 2019, right before I headed to Ethiopia, I did not feel too comfortable with shorter hair. Instead, lots of my life, I identified with my long, black hair. Well, I also grew up with those kind of images. Images of women-identified people in my own family to the larger Viet community wearing long, black hair. It was only elders, some aunties who kept their hair short (now that I think about it actually).
My friend Sydney who I met in Toronto was someone in my closer circle who rocked a shaved head for years. She has been actively challenging what it means to be a woman and what it means to be feminine. So living in her orbit, I asked myself, too: how would I look like with a buzzcut?
When 2019 came to a close, I manifested a few things for the new year ahead: that I was deserving of true and kind love and that I was ready for change. Looking ahead it seemed bright as I had the opportunity to study abroad in Vietnam. I was excited to shift the location of my center. Remember how we all had big plans for 2020? Yet, none of us could plan and foresee that the world would be on hold for one and a half years. While I grieved my imagined future self enjoying the "home-coming" and the "connecting to the motherland" at the same time I tried to make the best out of the pandemic and its everyday struggles. And yes, I have also been enjoying the company of another kind soul. At times, I joke: "Vietnam did not happen, but a boyfriend did."
Fast forward to today, life goes on and it did go on. I realise that all the things I wanted to do and wanted to become: how about I do them anyway, how about trying them anyway, how about manifesting the future self anyway? Over the year, this mindset already led me to my first Vietnamese language class and now, it led me towards this step of cutting my hair, letting go of the past, making space for something new.
About the donation part: through another friend's social, I came across this hair-and make-up artist's post last year. (Obviously I have been scrolling through the web collecting all kinds of Asian-diasporic women with short hairstyles). In her post, she shares her own experience of growing her hair long and donating it every time she reaches a certain length. It was her third time donating and this time, it went towards the Verein Haarfee in Austria, a non-profit supporting children who have lost their own hair with real-hair-wigs. On their website, I found out about a partner studio in Berlin. I called Cur (the studio's name) sometime in the spring and asked them about the process. Over the phone, they told me that it would be best if you had at least 40cm of hair. Thus, I waited a couple more months. I even waited until my visit home in June was over as my Mẹ was not too amused about this. "Please don't cut them too short, please don't cut them too short," I have her words in my ear as if she was holding on to an ideal of myself. "Mẹ, it is okay, I have been making my own decisions," I just want to tell her. I believe she knows, but I guess I will also always be her first-born daughter. Anyways, I digress, the folx at Cur did such a great job and I was really happy that my friend Greta joined for the day as well. It felt good having support there.
I had my hair down and flat over the weekend, and when I ran this morning and washed them again, they puffed up into the air as if I didn't try to keep them flat and down for hours. It's fun and it's okay. I am curious about my hairs separate life and today, I chose to tie a bandana around my head. All the things I would not do with my long hair. I am enjoying the process of experimenting what works best for me. I already bought myself a cute bucket hat and can finally rock all the running hats. I am super curious and excited. And maybe, in a week or two, I'll call my parents over Facetime and surprise them. Let's see. For now, I am welcoming this change and this new energy.
Greta took all these amazing pictures and documented my visit at the hairdresser.
Friends, I am doing really well these days despite no foreseeable vacation time. I have been spending more time offline though, have not really been on twitter (what a blessing! it can be) and when I am not working on my master thesis or writing or running, it has been good to just do nothing. It's been really nice to see some folx in person again as time and capacities allow.
How is your mental health doing as social activities, museums, restaurants and stores are slowly opening up again in the western world? Make sure to drink up your water, create brackets of space for yourself and take good care.
Currently,
I am reading: Bernardine Evaristo's Girl Woman Other, which I adore.
I am visiting: the new exhibition and research space by Savvy Gallery. Check out their current group exhibition here.
I am eating: really good food. Recent recommendations are:
Jamaican Street Food with JerkMaster.
Shiso Burger in Mitte.
Vegan noodle soups at Hum, Prenzlauer Berg.
Banh Mi at Gao & at this Viet-family owned bakery, Friedrichshain.
I am drinking: iced matcha latte again (as it's summer time!),
ideally from a Black or brown owned coffee spot like all about.
...and I am running: potentially the Berlin Marathon, thus training starts...
this week? 😅
In resistance and solidarity, xx
Huyền