"In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist, we must be anti-racist!"
Good morning everyone and hello from Berlin! How are you all coping with your physical distancing measurements, your lockdowns and / or the lift of those bans? I am doing pretty good, finding a routine at home and feeling more at ease with it all (yes, still washing my hands, not touching anything, wearing my mask and virtually gathering), since other urgent topics have been consuming my attention. I chose the quote from Dr. Angela Davis above because I wanted something short yet powerful as I continue my daily (un)learnings of race and racism here. While these matters are not front and center of my personal blog, they are part of my being, especially being born marginalised and raised in a predominantly white country such as Germany. It took some time and it still takes time to read and to educate myself, to do better, but I am doing the best I can.
The past few months have been heavy and a break from life and reality doesn't seem in sight. Joy and grief are happening side by side on the daily. In February, we celebrated Black History Month, watched Toni Morrison's documentary, learned more about the works of Audre Lorde and May Ayim (both of them dancing above). The next moment, nine brothers and sisters enjoying themselves in a Shisha bar were murdered in Hanau. In April, a Korean couple was physically attacked in a subway in Berlin due to the increase of anti-Asian racism, and earlier this month, I listened to one of the Black athletes of my running team WayvRunKollektiv say that she doesn't feel safe. That next morning, I woke up to videos and news of Ahmaud Arbery's murder in Georgia while he was out jogging. I was angry and frustrated for all my Black and Brown friends. For those in the U.S. to Europe who are out for a jog, for a walk, in the grocery store, or really just out doing their jobs. I was frustrated for our ancestors and past generations, who have been demanding justice and equity, who have been doing the work, marching, standing up and speaking up.
Yet, I took some time to practice mindfulness and compassion. To actively not turn bitter. It helped reading Maya Angelou's words: "You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure. So use that anger. You write it. You paint it. You dance it. You march it. You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it.” So here we are, turning that anger into action and if it wasn't for the hope I have for this world, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Plus, I remembered that it is necessary to practice longevity and sustainability in our collective anti-racism work. As my sister writer friend Michelle said in her recent newsletter, too: "It's a marathon, not a sprint."
We ran our 2.23 miles for Ahmaud on May 8th, which would have been his 26th birthday, what are we going to do now? We recognise our privileges and hear out our Black friends, especially in these times, "It’s not uncommon for Black and brown bodies to be looked at as dangerous, and now you see a figure coming at you quickly and they are wearing a face mask," shares our colleague at Global Womxn Running Collective Keshia Roberson. We continue to listen to our BIPOC* friends. We continue to read books by Black and brown people. We continue to invest time and energy in their histories. We learn from the civil rights movement, from leaders such as Angela Davis and Yuri Kochiyama. We step up, step back and step aside. We advocate for Black and brown voices. We recommend them for jobs and scholarships. We pay them. We take on responsibility. We ensure safe spaces in front and behind the camera. We don't run for Ahmaud just once, as Faith Briggs reminds us. We run in solidarity for Ahmaud, and for Breonna Taylor and for George Floyd every single day. As our sister from Harlem Run and Run4AllWomen Alison Désir says, we are willing to do the work, dismantling the whiteness in running, learn that the personal is political (not separating sports from politics) and use allyship as a verb.
My university semester has begun and after visiting a class in Critical Race Theory last year, I enrolled in Contemporary Black Literature in the U.S., Canada and Germany this term. I loved what the professor tells all the students at the beginning of the course, "That this is emotional work." And indeed it is. You're confronting yourself with all that you believed in. Stereotypes and preconceived notions. For example, I was raised that I should have white friends, that it would be good to marry an Asian person or a white person, but nothing else. I was raised conforming to white supremacy, to this racist system. I was raised being a model minority. Thus, when I say it's an emotional (un)learning process, I mean it because I've been there myself. Clashing with family members. With Vietnamese community members. It's a lot of work and it starts with yourself, at home, in your surroundings and then hopefully, you can translate your learnings into all areas of your lives. From personal labour to academia, to your work place, to your runnings because every day you have a choice to make. These classes are not part of my Media Science Master, but I am willing to step out of my way, out of my comforts to do this kind of work, to unlearn and relearn because I truly believe and want to help create a more just future for our children to come. I am hoping you're choosing to join all of us today, and every day.
Ich bin kein Virus (I am not a virus)
Yesterday, I told a radio reporter that I don't think the anti-Asian racism has decreased. I actually think it has gotten worse. It's one thing when I experience it here in Berlin, being harassed on public transit and called Corona on the street, it's another thing, when my father, who's been living in this country for the past 30 years doesn't feel safe heading outside for a walk (on top of losing his job at a restaurant already back in February because folks would avoid Asian restaurants/ supermarkets/ stores etc. forcing his employer to close). In times of physical distancing, you would think that heading outside to nature for a short stroll would be safe enough. This is just one of many accounts from our community that we are currently listening to. Many of us can't really place these incidences in the public media or will report with the police. When my colleague at this project Victoria Kure-Wu heard that her own mother was verbally attacked several times, she couldn't just watch what happened to her. Thus, she came up with this idea of creating a website where we could share these incidences and connect with one another. Ichbinkeinvirus is really a project about documenting the injustices happening to us Asian folks in Germany on a daily basis. It's about giving a platform to all the ignored voices and connecting the activists, communities and organisations here. In her words: 'especially in times of physical distancing, it's even more important to gather and connect with one another, even if only online!' I am also hoping that, with these extreme experiences of racism, more Asians and allies-to-be become more involved and active. Not only for us Asians, but also for the Black community because there is no Asian liberation without the liberation of Black people everywhere. However your activism looks like, in forms of running, drawing, writing, discussing or organising and demonstrating, know that your voice matters. Feel encouraged to check out our site, share with friends and families and when you do want to support your local businesses in times likes these, maybe do so by visiting your Vietnamese/Thai/Chinese restaurant nearby.
Become actively pro-Black
It's been a heavy few days and the emotional just numbed the rest of my body, so it's been hard to function. It's been hard to be generous and gracious with myself. It's my friends and beloveds who remind me that I need to take breaks, that I need to take care, that I need to step out of it once in a while.
Today, and this is probably the reason why I returned to this newsletter, I recalled the words: Huyen, you're not in the business of educating white people on racism. You're actually in the business of writing. Trying to do something out of it. Thus, it is totally okay that I am not responding to white friends and acquaintances right now who, today, started to wake up. I posted a story on my Instagram and sharing it again here:
Dear white and non-Black PoC friends,
I hope your actions will speak louder than your social media posting of a black square. I hope you will confront your own internal racisms. I hope you look around and see which voices you're really elevating (what kind of white supremacy you're reproducing). I hope you will act beyond a hashtag, beyond these news. I hope you will do better. I hope you will listen. From now on and every single day. And not wallow in your white guilt. I hope you truly understand why it's difficult to speak to all of you in the first place. I hope you start educating yourselves. I hope you start educating your families. I hope you start educating your work places and your teams. I hope you hire Black people. And pay them. And give them credit. I hope you truly create safe spaces. I hope you put Black people in leadership roles. I hope you spend money on Black restaurants (especially when you say support your local businesses) and books written by Black people. I hope you hold yourself accountable. I hope you hold each other accountable. I hope you finally see what we have been talking about. I hope you better understand why we have been tired. How many killings and erasures of Black and brown people did it take you to wake up?
Remember when none of you wanted to speak about racism? At the marathon, at our community meetings, at Hood2Coast last year, at the International Women’s Day. Racism exists especially here in Germany. We — as runners, athletes, activists, students, artists, writers, teammates, queer people — have been doing this work. Will you listen now?
And while I hesitated for a moment posting this and calling a few white running clubs and organisations out, I also remembered Audre Lorde's words that "Your silence will not protect you," and that if we will not survive anyway, I was here and spoke my truth. I was here and held my surroundings accountable. So, I hope you, too will speak your truths and you, too will hold your families and communities accountable. Hope they will all join this work because it takes each and every single one of us.
It's 10pm now and compared to the first half of the day, I feel much much lighter. After having numerous zoom meetings, again speaking about this and feeling all of it, in class and together with my running team, I decided to step outside for a bike ride. Alison reminded our GWRC group, that "life goes on," and shared this lovely video of her family. On my way home, I ran into a friend and actually stayed with her for another 20min. I went out of my own way, passing my own street, to ask her how she's doing. To accompany her for a little bit. Being Black herself, I just wanted to hold space for her, offer her a listening ear. She's an entrepreneur here in Berlin, too, so I am adding her organisation Black Brown Berlin down below!
Here's the thing, I hope beyond today, you become pro-Black. I hope you can actively engage in dismantling white supremacy, anti-racism work and offer an open ear, help, support, and money to Black people and their matters.
For a start, join the protests in your cities and listen to all the Black speakers there. If you're in Berlin, there is one happening this Saturday. If you're willing to do the work, I am here to discuss further with you.
Focus on healing, too
To return back to the first picture above - of Audre Lorde and May Ayim dancing carefree - I am going to end this newsletter with lots of joy and hope and healing 'cause if we can heal ourselves today, we will also heal our ancestors and next generations to come. When including anti-racism work in your daily life, I am suggesting you to not do it alone. Seek out help and reach out to the ones who are around you already doing the work. Connect and share. Speak to one another.
Separate time to feel into your body, meditate, practice yoga or run. Nourish yourself first, so that you can nourish the world, I remind myself. That should be your highest priority anyways. This morning, instead of sitting, I lay flat on my back in shavasana pose and meditated this way for a change.
Dedicate time (virtually) for moments of joy.
That can be with lots of ice cream and your loved ones. Baking a cake alone. Or dancing to your favourite music in your bed room. Singing helps, too. Or visiting the grocery store and picking up your favourite childhood candy.
Be still. When we're flooded and are consumed with the news, social media, another podcast and another book to read, it's also great to have days where you're consciously NOT consuming. Being with yourself and having time to slow down and process things have been incredibly beneficial.
Make sure to focus on healing and off-time as well,
xx,
Huyen
P.S.:If you'd like, you can add a dollar or two to my future publishing goals, thank you!